You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
