Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My pussy is not your playground.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
