i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
