Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
