On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
