I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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