god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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