Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
