we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
