I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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