that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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