just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What a dumb baby whore.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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