You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i believe in u and ur pee
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
