Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
