Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
