if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
