that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
