Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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