do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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