Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
