Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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