Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
