You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
