he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And then my night got REAL pukey
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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