i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
