Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
