I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
