She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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