Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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