my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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