I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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