i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
