I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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