Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
