Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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