i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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