White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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