Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
