It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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