We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
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mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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