he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
40s are totally the cure
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
