I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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