I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
