This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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