I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got her a Nickelback box set.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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