our cab driver is having phone sex.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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