take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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