All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
