Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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