If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
