What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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