the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize