I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
