This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
