This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
