Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
