He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
