A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
