At least make sure they are 18
Why
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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