she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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