That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
