It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
