I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
