Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
