just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
