I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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