Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
