is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
