I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
