I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
