he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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